Written by Bill Licks
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Sunday, 6 June 2010

image for Spelbound beat Terence and Philip from Southpark in Britain's Got Talent Final
Would you fuck this uncle?

A group of gymnasts from Kent were celebrating last night after outperforming Terence and Philip from Southpark in the Britain's Got Talent 2010 grand final.

The foul-mouthed Canadian duo from the popular cartoon wore the letters 'T' and 'P' on their t-shirts and sang a version of their classic hit 'Uncle Fucka' but changed the words to 'Cowell Fucka' in hope of impressing the judges.

'Shut you fucking face Cowell fucka,
You're a cock-sucking, ass-licking, Cowell fucka
You're a Cowell fucka, yes its true
Nobody fucks Cowell just like you.'

As they sang the first verse they looked directly at Amanda Holden who giggled nervously throughout the song. They then finished the performance by jumping on the heads of Piers Morgan and Simon Cowell and farting for a full five minutes until Philip followed through and shat himself all over Morgan's brand new suit.

Unfortunately the duo's performance didn't impress the viewing public quite as much as they hoped and they had to settle for second place behind the victorious Spelbound.

After the performance Terence accused Philip of 'fucking everything up by shitting all over Piers Morgan'. However, Philip blamed Terence for not shitting all over Simon Cowell and believes that would have swung the vote in their favour.

Cowell has already signed the duo to his record company and is set to release a new single at the end of the month with Britain's Got Talent 2009 runner up Susan Boyle.

The song, a cover of Boyle's hit 'I Dreamed a Dream' will be re-titled 'I Fucked a Hairy Midget in Platform Shoes' and will be dedicated to Cowell's fiancé Mezhgan Hussainy.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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