Written by Lady Godiva
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Sunday, 6 June 2010

image for Susan Boyle to visit a Supermarket in Berwick Hills, Middlesbrough
Favourite 'tipple' of Takwana and Anitakapita

The news that Susan Boyle is to visit the local supermarket at Berwick Hills, Middlesbrough, has the locals running around like chickens with their heads cut off.

Takwana Smith and Anitakapita Jones, both of Cargo Fleet, are besides themselves with excitement.

"That's ded gud tha' is," said Takwana, "We've no' 'ad a celeb 'ere since, well....A carn remember can you Anita?"

"Naw, A carn remember meself. But....Susan Boyle's ded gud and we 'ope to 'ave a cuppa wiv 'er or take 'er over to the Jack n Jill for a lemonade. Well we won't be drinkin' lemonade but Subo does."

Takwana showed us her latest tattoo - Susan Boyle of course.

"Yeah! Our lad did i' for me. 'E's trainin' t'be a ta'oo artist or worrever they're called."

We took time out to visit with the men who we had last spoken to during the recent 82 degree heatwave. Living just across from the shop, we came upon them having a 'mud bath'.

When asked what had happened to the pool one replied,

"Well hiya, we was just makin' the pool last time youse came weren't we? Well it's finished now and yer can see we 'ad a few probs. like. Trouble woz, their plastic bags didn't make a good pool liner so we ended up wiv all this mud. But we're not bovvered. The mud's cool and is good fer yer skin like.

Anyway, after a few voddies mixed wi' Red Bull we don't know where the 'ell we are anyways."

When asked if they'd be going over to the shop to meet Susan Boyle, they said, in unison.....
"Susan WHO?"

A couple of young chaps wearing hoodies came over to us and their leader said,

"Go' any spare cash like? We's just goin' over t'shop t'get some food like an' we don' 'ave enuff dosh."

We told the young louts to 'bugger off' and continued interviewing other locals.

More to follow.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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