Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 5 June 2010

image for Ellen DeGeneres Has Caused The American Idol Ratings To Go Down Says The Christian TV Committee
A photo of America's first lesbian, Kitty Waterwell, circa 1869.

DURANGO, Colorado - The Christian TV Committee which oversees hundreds of ratings and rankings on television shows has stated that the reason the musical reality show American Idol has gone down in the ratings is because of the presence of Ellen DeGeneres, who is an avowed lesbianite.

The CTVC said that their research studies show that their research study responders all agree that having a lesbianite on the show is like the old Bill Cosby Show having a member of the Ku Klux Klan as a creative consultant.

The Rev. Jonathan P. Moongender, 52, and director of CTVC, said that he personally warned Ryan Seacrest in an email last year that if that blonde lesbianite was allowed on their show that the show would lose a lot of viewers who do not want to see and hear a butch dyke telling them about what she likes or does not like in regards to a certain contestant.

Moongender said that the inhabitants of Middle America, New England, the deep South, and Idaho, do not want to see a female dressed in mens clothes, wearing mens shoes, and a jock strap making jokes about straight people and saying how straight people have a hard time singing in key.

Ellen was reached at her home in West Hollywood and asked what she thinks about the results of the CTVC research studies.

She pointed out that just since she has been on the show, the percentage of lesbians who tune in to watch American Idol has gone from 29 percent to 98 percent. Ellen said that if one did not know her sexual preference one would not know that she is not a normal individual such as Britney Spears, Taylor Swift, or Amy Winehouse...well maybe not Amy Winehouse.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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