NASHVILLE - The man who invented the Internet has now put it to good use. Al and Tipper Gore have decided to separate after 40 years of marriage.
The Gores sat down and wrote out an email addressed to friends and family letting them know that after six marital meetings with themselves they have decided to separate, and eventually divorce, and move on to "Greener" pastures.
Al says that when he won the Nobel Peace Prize in 2007, he noticed that his wife had changed somewhat. Even one of their maids, LaDeena Flo Gurglewood, said that all of a sudden Mrs. Gore became jealous of the fact that her husband was always traveling and receiving honors, awards, accolades, citations, certificates, and checks.
Gurglewood said that Mrs. Gore would sit at the kitchen table and say that all she ever got was dish pan hands. LaDeena told her that she does the dishes and Mrs. Gore said true but that she does them on her days off.
Mr. Gore said that he remembers receiving a lot of criticism when his wife went on her anti-vulgar lyrics kick campaign. He says that he received phone calls, emails, and letters from some highly irate rap artists such as Flavor Flav, Snoop Dogg, Boyz 2 Men, Kidz 2 Dudes, Yo'z 2 Bro'z, Babes 2 Bitches, and Sista's 2 Ho's.
Al said that he vividly recalls being at a KFC in Tarzana, and who but Snoop Dogg walks up to him. Gore gave him a fist bump and said "Yo bro." The Dogg replied, "Yo bro? Yo bro? Say Albert, what da fa shizzle hell is your woman doin' tryin' ta get us ta stop cussing and using words like ho, bitch, booty, badonkadonk, furburger, biscuit, crotch cookie, and bikini taco huh?"
Gore just shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Well Mr. Dogg, I don't know what to tell you except to say that you know how them older white honkie women are. The don't like to hear nasty words like all of the ones that you just so explicitly mentioned.
Tipper confided to her hair stylist, Mr. Friskies, that it got to the point where the only thing that would come out of Al's mouth were the words, global warming, climate change, global change, climate warming, keep the change, trees, green this, green that, greenhouse effect, and Greenland.
She poured herself a drink of Southern Comfort and said to LaDeena, "Well old girl, it looks like after 40 years of marriage, I have lost my husband to an affair with Mother Nature."
Tipper then shook her head, rolled her eyes, and said, "Well at least I didn't lose him to someone like that skanky Rielle Hunter bitch huh?"
SIDENOTE: Mrs. Gore was asked who will be getting what. She grinned and said that she will be getting their brand new $8.8 million mansion in Montecito, California, and Al will be getting all of his clothes, his collection of combs, the Internet, their 14 penguins, their 2 polar bears, and their 16-year-old adopted Eskimo Gardener, Nanooko Putzgoo.