Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 1 June 2010

image for Britain's Got Talent: Alesia Vasmitsel, A Pole Dancer From Surrey Struts Her Stuff
A pole in Alesia Vasmitsel's backyard which she occasionally practices on.

LONDON - A 30-year-old blonde from Surrey took the Britain's Got Talent stage and wooed the crowd as well as the judges.

Alesia Vasmitsel, who works as a pole dancing instructor, performed her number and afterwards there were a lot of folks in the audience with their mouths wide open.

Alesia [pronounced A-LE-SEXY] came out wearing a lime green one piece swimsuit and literally melted parts of the stage floor.

BGT co-hosts Ant McPartlin and Dec Donnelly both ended up getting a bit of a feel of the lady from Surrey as they spoke with her after her performance.

The two lads did not seem to mind that the camera caught them each handling Mrs. Vasmitsel's goods; Ant fondled her left one and Dec settled for her right one.

Simon Cowell remarked that Alesia will definitely be going through to the next round and asked her if she perchance had any 8 by 10 glossies of herself either with her clothes on or without. Alesia blushed and threw Cowell a kiss which Piers Morgan jumped in front of.

Amanda Holden, who was turning green with envy, told both Simon and Piers to settle down and to quit acting like they were a couple of school boys who had just gotten a peek at their aunty's butterbags for the very first time.

Piers told Amanda that she was just jealous because she could never do what Alesia had just done with the dancing pole. Amanda blushed.

Simon chimed in by saying that he would pay £300 [$436 U.S.] to see Amanda hop her cute little arse up on the stage and try to do exactly what Vasmitsel had just done.

Holden told Cowell that she would not do it because she had allergies. Cowell asked her what allergies had to do with her rubbing her happy valley against a pole.

Amanda laughed and told Simon that she had heard her fuzzy muzzy called many names, but never a happy valley.

In other news. Indonesia has announced that they will not be invading Germany afterall, but will invade Canada instead.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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