Written by Skoob1999
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Sunday, 30 May 2010

image for Britain's Got Talent - Timmy The Miming Pig Wows The Judges - And Ant And Dec
Timmy Learning Nessun Dorma Yesterday.

They said it couldn't be done. The BGT judges, along with Geordie comedy duo Ant and Dec, all scoffed when Christine came out on stage with Timmy the pig, and announced that he was going to mime to Michael Jackson's 'Beat It' at a recent BGT audition.

But Timmy is one smart porker, and as the music cranked up he launched into a lip-syncing tutorial which would put the likes of Cheryl Cole, Britney Spears and Winston Euston to shame.

It's fair to say that judges, Simon Cowell, Piers Morgan and Amanda Holden were transfixed by the porcine performance of lip syncing to the paedophile onanist classic 'Beat It.'

When it was over, what had been an almost uncontrollable lust for a bacon sandwich had been dramatically about-faced into three resounding yes votes.

As the pig finished miming, Simon Cowell could be heard muttering to Amanda Holden that he'd finally discovered the next Susan Boyle, although probably not quite so temperamental, and probably without a big crush on Piers Morgan. Which could only be a good thing.

Timmy the pig has since taken the position of the hottest favourite on BGT since Susan Boyle herself, a position reinforced by Christine's assertion that Timmy also does opera, Alice Cooper, Elton John and Michael Buble, as well as sitting on a chair and miming Monty Python comedy sketches.

Sadly, Christine reported that Timmy was due to have one of his back legs amputated next Thursday. When quizzed on this issue she said:

"When you've got a pig as talented as this, you don't eat him all at once."

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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