LONDON - Ethan Crassboro, who owns The Ethan Crassboro Fish and Chips distributorship in Bromley, says he is already preparing to hear about a dozen or so excuses as to why his employees will miss work during the World Cup Finals.
Crassboro, who has been in business for 27 years, says that he has literally heard it all. He said that two years ago, a lad called him up and said that he couldn't make it to work on account of his wife's biological clock was all fooked up.
He went on and said that he had to stay by her side to make sure that the fookin' bitch didn't end up overdosing on crumpets like she had done exactly one year ago.
Crassboro said that another of his employees, a bloke named Winston Riddlemeyer, III, said that his wife wants to have a baby and he really feels that it is important that he be there for the conception.
Ethan even showed an email he had kept from last year that was from one of his female employees who did not want her name mentioned.
Lulu Stumpgarden of West Wickham (oops so sorry Lulu) had written him stating that she would not be able to work for a week on account of she was going into the hospital to have her two 'breasties' augmented.
Lulu said that she was also getting her G-spot put back in its proper place, and she would also be having her undescended labia minora descended to where it basically sits inside the labia majora instead of on top of her perineum which she said is not only uncomfortable as hell, but it also looks silly as the dickens.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: I decided to leave the run on sentence as is to achieve the literary machine gun delivery effect that I am certain my fine friend from San Antonio, Texas wanted achieved.]
Meanwhile reports coming out of Buckingham Palace say that Queen Elizabeth II, will be putting aside her 'queenly duties' until the World Cup Finals end.