Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 29 May 2010

image for Lady Gaga Performs In Nottingham, England, Drenched In Fake Blood (Mostly)
A photo of the sink in Lada Gaga's dressing room. (NOTE: The blood is fake, the tampon however is real).

NOTTINGHAM, England - Lady Gaga brought her Monster's Ball Tour, or Monster Balls Tour depending on which side of the 'Big Pond' you're on to Robin Hood's old stomping ground.

The Lady danced and pranced and promenaded left and right while dressed, at times, in nothing more than outfits whose bottoms resembled playing cards with bumps.

At one point one of Gaga's tata's popped out, (the left one I believe - let's see lefty Lucy, righty tighty, yes it was the left one).

During her "Paparazzi" number she actually had 18 members of the Nottingham news media, including TV, radio, and Shakespearean theater actors up on stage performing with her.

And even though they are not trained professional singers and dancers they all were, as they say in the more expensive clothing shops of Soho, 'gobsmackingly smashing good dey wuz.'

Even Christopher Crookhamshire, 62, a reporter with The Nottingham Morning Crumpet newspaper did a fantastic moon walk which would have brought tears to the gloved one's eyes.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: I know that most everyone knows that the gloved one is a reference to Michael Jackson, but I do mention it just in case there are some Somali Pirates, Taliban, or Al Qaeda operatives reading this.]

Elvira Ambergate, a native of Nottingham, was in the audience and she said that she has seen Madonna, Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, and Clay Aiken, and she said Lady Gaga is by far the best performer.

Ambergate said that the fake blood in Gaga's performance looks very real, whereas the fake blood in Clay Aiken's performance looks very much like, and tastes like Heinz Ketchup.

Elvira was asked what the fake blood in Lady Gaga's performance tasted like. She thought for a second and then said that it tasted like theatrical fake blood, which is very close to the actual taste of real blood.

Another fan, Timothy Buxtonridge, Jr., of Portsmouth said that he was sitting in the very first row and he says that on several occasions he saw something in Lady Gaga's crotch that one does not normally see in the crotch of female performers such as Lily Allen, Pixie Lott, or Cheryl Cole.

In other news. Simon Cowell wants to put to rest the amazing rumor that he is planning on buying Buckingham Palace and moving it to Arizona.

Make Abel Rodriguez's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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