Written by KendoMonkey
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Friday, 28 May 2010

image for The Queen to replace Simon Cowell on next American Idol
"Are you a singer, too?"

The announcement was finally made today that The Queen will be replacing Simon Cowell as judge on next year's American Idol. This poorly guarded secret was today confirmed by HRH The Prince of the Isle of Man, James Hoppity:

"We are proud and pleased to announce that, without metaphor, ill-judged quip, or undue bush beating, our saviour, the lady with her ear to the ground and tongue in God's ear - The Queen - will dutifully and beautifully replace Sir Simon Cowell, on the judging panel of that oh-so wonderful and well loved breeding place of thoroughly stupendous talent: American Idol."

With mock astonishment did the surrounding journalists reply with goshes.

It appears that The Queen is set to serve full-time on the panel as a direct replacement to Cowell, much as many in the media expected. However, the true breaking news of the story is the announcement that Simon Cowell has been secretly knighted (presumably in some bizarre underground ceremony with Yaks or some-such thing) and is now Sir Simon. Spiffing!

American Idol is a singing competition in which the first 400 episodes are dedicated to showing deluded hicks who are surrounded by people who have no qualm about giving them false hope. The last 100 episodes are taken up with a Battle Royale (but without the good bits, like death and mayhem) of singers duelling for votes. Some of the singers will actually be quite good, and then the American public will vote for whichever one is least gay, or something like that. It's never made quite obvious.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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