Although he's known as the judge of talent, Simon Cowell has offered to help stop the oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico and save the Florida, Alabama, shorelines.
"Since I am a topnotch judge of talent, I proposed that all new ideas be sent to me first so that I could judge which ideas have the best chance of stopping the leak."
Since it is rumored that Cowell has some nice property near Miami Beach, most think that he, like BP, is getting into a panic as nothing they had tried yet had worked.
"There were thousands of ideas that people are sending in, and that stupid company has them held up for days because everyone had to fill out a form first. Form My Ass! People send them to me or at least send me a copy of what you're sending them. I would have judged the best ones and presented them in person."
Meanwhile, sitting like a big frog on the other side of Florida, Rush Limbaugh has been making the same offer to his millions of Dittoheads in having them to call in their best ideas.
"I wish we could have used both of these guys,", stated one BP Vice President. "Between the two of them, there should be enough shit to stop up anything!"