Written by Skoob1999
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Thursday, 27 May 2010

image for Cheryl Cole Desperate To Learn The Mumbai Two Step
Istanbul - Home Of The Istanbul Tango

It seems like Cheryl Cole isn't the type to let the grass grow beneath her petite and pretty feet (which incidentally only ever smell of roses) as, following her divorce petition she has announced that she is desperate to incorporate a new dance routine into her act.

The Mumbai Two Step, according to sources is a dance originated in the hotels of Mumbai (formerly Bombay, but they changed its nomenclature for some reason) by European and American tourists to the vast sub-continent.

By all accounts it consists of an almost spasmodic walk with the feet taking short, ginger steps whilst the facial muscles gurn the face into a rictus and the arms flap about quite a lot. Usually in the direction of the nearest toilet with the buttocks tightly clenched.

It is thought that Cheryl wants to extend her dance repertoire just in case she gets signed up for Dancing With The Stars, or Dancing On Ice or some other reality dance show.

Unfortunately, Cheryl's "friend" Dancing Derek Hough, isn't familiar with the Mumbai Two Step, having never visited Mumbai, so he can't teach her how it goes, and according to sources Will I. Am out of the Black Eyed Peas can't be arsed.

Apparently, the divine soon to be ex-Mrs Cole is prepared to pay for Mumbai Two Step lessons with fistfulls of ready wedge.

Our kebab correspondent, Ali Bullo told us that he'd heard of the Mumbai Two Step and that as far as he is aware, it's a bit like the Istanbul Tango, or the Kathmandu Foxtrot.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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