Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Wednesday, 26 May 2010

image for Nicole Scherzinger, The Pussycat Doll, Named The 2010 Dancing With The Stars Champion
Erin Andrews dancing to the song "The Dance of The Sugar Plum Fairies."

HOLLYWOOD - Nicole Scherzinger, 31, won the 10th season of Dancing With The Stars. The producers put out a pretty good DWTS Finale except for one thing.

What in the world of dance dipping was Kate Gosselin doing on the show. Goodness sakes alive, the woman has got to be the most ungraceful female in the history of females.

Even last year's horribly ungraceful contestant singer Macy Gray was not as bad as King Kate Gosselin. The poor Reading, Pennsylvania mother of eight does not dance, she just puts one foot in front of the other and walks.

And Kate's dance teacher Tony Dovolani has got to be the most embarrassed individual in the history of embarrassment. Tony wanted to wear a ski mask but the shows producer Bernadette Penderlicki vetoed the idea.

Even the grouchy British judge Len Goodman, who is somewhere around 92, remarked that his 91½-year-old wife could dance better than Kate and his wife uses a walker to get around due to the fact that she has inverted tonsils.

But at least Pamela Anderson showed that at 42, she can still shake her caboose, her maracas, and her crotch cookie.

Pamela danced a quick step to the theme song from the game show Wheel of Fortune. Anderson did not realize it until the song had ended that she had forgotten to wear a bra and panties. She said that she got so busy talking to Cheryl Cole's BFF, Derek Hough that she had not noticed.

An unnamed source said that he actually saw Cincinnati Bengals receiver Chad Ochocinco sneak into her dressing room and take her bra and panties.

And Niecy Nash looked sort of like Tina Turner, except not as old, tall, rich, slender, or dark.

Co-host Tom Bergeron said that he took a poll of the audience and his co-host Brooke Burke was named as the celebrity with the sexiest and prettiest tits.

Bruno Tonioli, the gaytalian judge was named the gayest guy in the entire building. Len Goodman won the most old-fashioned British bloke award and later said that he does not appreciate that the American people do not get his English personality and he may leave and never return again, except to visit the Grand Canyon before President Obama turns it into a sanitary landfill, as he has suggested.

And Carrie Ann Inaba, who says that she is not Filipino, said that she has never cried as much as she did this season. She said that part of it is due to the fact that her biological clock is ticking and she wants to have another baby.

She said that she would not mind having Maksim Chmerkovskiy's baby. Erin Andrews, who many think is intimately involved with Maksim, reportedly told Inaba that is she catches her anywhere near Maksim's crotch region she will hit her so hard she'll knock the Filipino look completely off of her face.

SIDENOTE 1: This year's Bachelor, Jake Pavelka danced an Argentine Tango with his partner Chelsea Hightower and then his future wife Vienna Girardi cut in and danced with him proving that she is just about as horrible a dancer as Kate "Graceless" Gosselin.

SIDENOTE 2: And why in the world don't the producers tell whoever the British chap that announces the dancers and dances how to correctly pronounce the name Argentine Tango. He pronounces it Argen-tind (which rhymes with line) instead of the correct Argen-tean (which rhymes with bean).

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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