According to our showbiz correspondent, Buffty Ginslinger, the eccentric English film producer/director, Her Majesty The Queen is to embark on a gruelling nationwide stand-up tour with cocky Scouse comedian Stan Boardman.
"It'll do the old bird good," Ginslinger told us as he swilled a large G&T and puffed on a Consulate (In contemptuous violation of the smoking ban.) in a Covent Garden public house. "She needs to get out more, put her worries behind her, take an audience by the throat and prove to the world that she's still got what it takes."
Stan Boardman is reportedly 'chuffed to little mintballs' at the prospect of performing with the Queen and is currently brushing off his German jokes about Fokkers and Messerschmidts and chip shop bombings.
"They'll open at The Playhouse in Frigghall On Sea on Cannon And Ball's night off," Ginslinger told us. "Then they'll go nationwide. They've already signed a DVD deal with the firm that handles roly-poly Bolton funnyman Peter Kay, and that bloke who knocks out all the green and yellow scarves for Man United fans is handling the merchandising. We're not sure yet, but we think Sarah Ferguson will be put in charge of ticket sales. They're going to call the show An Audience With The Queen And Stan Boardman. Of course, Stan's not too happy being placed second on the bill, but as I said to him: 'Stan man! It's her Madge! She has to go first!"
In the meantime, Ginslinger's production of a biopic of unpopular 60s wrestling villain Mick McManus, starring Alex Reid in the title role, with Peter Andre as Jackie 'Mister TV' Pallo and a cameo featuring Katie Price's front bumpers continues apace.
More as we get it.