Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 25 May 2010

image for Britney Spears Bumps Ashton Kutcher Off Top Twitter Spot
Ashton Kutcher at the age of 14 pretending to be one of his mom's bras.

WEST HOLLYWOOD - Britney Spears has just succeeded in doing what Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez, the Jonas Brothers, and Justin Bieber could not do; and that is knock 19-year-old Ashton Moore, formerly Ashton Kutcher off the top spot in TwitterLand.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Kutcher is actually 32, but I must admit he does act like he's 19, or at times 14.]

Britney "The Lip Syncer" Spears just reported that the latest Twitter viewer numbers showed her with a total of 4,949,848 and Kid Kutcher with 4,943,297.

Spears did say that her numbers do not even reflect the views from Africa where she is one of the most popular white girls on the whole dark continent (no pun intended).

BS, as Christina Aguilera call her, noted that she is thrilled and very excited especially since she has not posted an automobile crotch shot in the last eight months.

When Ashton was asked what he thought about Britney taking away his top spot he blushed, made a stupid-looking face, and said that he did not give a rat's ass. He then pointed out that Brisp (BS) appeals mostly to the men in the 80 to 90 age bracket and to lesbians in the 21 to 31 age bracket.

Britney was told about Kutcher's remarks and she fired back by saying that Assy, as she refers to Ashton appeals to older women in the 90 to 100 age group and gay fagarinos in the 21 to 91 age category.

Spears smiled and then added that AK is the most popular male up in San Fransissyco, where 93 percent of the nation's gay guys live.

Ashton came back by saying that at least he doesn't go around showing the world his genitals. Britney replied that's because he has the genitals of Jon Gosselin.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Okay, guys and gals. I am a little confused here. Exactly what in tar nation (North Carolina) is Ashton, Demi Moore's boy toy doing with Jon Gosselin's genitals and how the hell did he get them in the first place?]

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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