Written by Skoob1999
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Monday, 24 May 2010

image for A Sad Day As Ray Alan Dies - Lord Charles Vows To Go On
Lord Charles - Pissed But Respectful

It is with great sadness today that we convey news of the passing of the most technically perfect ventriloquist of all time. Bar none. Including Edgar Bergen.

Ray Alan, revered by many, and a staple of a great many children's lives with Lord Charles, the upper crust monocled drunk, will be fondly remembered by those whom he so consummately entertained for so many years.

"So, the old boy's kicked the bucket has he?" Lord Charles told our showbiz reporter Buffty Ginslinger. "Well, bugger me. I suspected something was wrong when he last took me out of the suitcase where I live. He looked a bit peaky. I didn't think the bugger would die on me though. I quite liked him, which is no small praise for somebody who sticks his arm up your arse and puts words in your mouth. Without moving his lips."

A clearly upset Lord Charles then went on to prop the bar up with Buffty Ginslinger. From what we are hearing, Lord Charles is firmly of the opinion that the show must go on.

"I suppose I'll have to get somebody else to stick their arm up my arse and put words in my mouth," he lamented. "But it won't be the same. Old Ray really was a star. He was the best. Mine's a scotch, neat. And mind me monocle."

Buffty Ginslinger dutifully ordered another round at that point, and the pair toasted Ray Alan for the last time.

"He was a legend," Buffty commented.

"I'll drink to that, even though I'm made of wood," Lord Charles replied, before saying: "You know, Ginslinger? I've known you all these years and this is the first time you've ever put your hand in your pocket."

"Because Ray was special," Ginslinger said, choking back a tear. "He was a real gent."

Ray Alan - sadly missed. A part of a whole generation.

More as somebody else highly regarded dies.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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