READING, Pennsylvania - Well, well, well. It appears that Jon "Little Jon" Gosselin has found himself a brand new girlfriend.
She is 23-year-old Harrisburg native Ellen Ross. Ross says that she likes Jon because he looks just like an oriental Brad Pitt.
Ellen revealed that most people do not know that Gosselin has a great sense of humor. She said that he knows more Korean mother-in-law jokes than any man she has ever known.
Ross joins a list of ex-Jon Gosselin girlfriends that includes such names as Deanna "BJ" Hummel, Hailey "The Ruler" Glassman, Stephanie "BJ" Santoro, and Morgan "BJ" Christie.
Glassman received her nickname due to the fact that she actually took a 12-inch ruler and measured Jon's winky, which came out to 3 inches.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: Since then more in depth photos clearly show that Jon Gosselin's wiggle widget is actually 2 inches long, or rather 2 inches short.]
Hailey was asked if she did not feel bad about taking the photo of Jon's "Little Jon" and putting it all over the Internet.
She replied that she did not and that she had warned Jon that if he did not stop making fun of her cellulite, her stretch marks, her inverted nipples, and her misaligned G-spot she would put the photos of "Nappy" short for Napoleon (her nickname for Jon's puny pecker), on the Net.
Jon made fun of the cellulite on her labia minora and boom, she downloaded the "Nappy" photo and sent it off to Twitter.
Gosselin's new gal pal was asked if she did not have a problem with Jon only having two inches between his legs. Ellen laughed and said that the way she sees it, all that really means is that Jon has got one inch more than she does, and to her that is truly no big deal (literally, figuratively, sexually, biologically, and randomly).
Ross also wanted to point out the fact that with her, it is not the penis size that counts - it's the penis size.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: I was sort of curious myself and I asked Larry King and he assured me that Ellen Ross does in fact have blonde roots.]
In a related story. Kate Gosselin has just stated that she is working out the details for a Disney Channel reality show to be called Grumpy Kate and Her 8 Dwarfs.