Recently featured writer for TheSpoof.com, Skoob, has returned from a journey to Vancouver, formerly an outpost of the British Empire now part of Canada or as it likes to think of itself, The True North Strong and Free.
While Skoob reported that he has always been curious of cities founded by the British on the west coast facing the ocean it is no secret that he has been burning the night oil on TheSpoof.com on more than one occasion with fellow writer Shea Lo causing some rumours of cyber chemistry between the two.
Skoob reports that "Vancouver is a great city", as soon as he landed he was overcome by the smell of the sea air and cedars from nearby Marpole but no mountains were to be seen.
Jumping into a cab the driver explained that "The airport was put a ways away from the mountains by the delta to the Fraser River so that planes would have a flat place to land, you will see some mountains soon enough, the famous ones are The Lions."
"We took Marine Drive along the ocean to downtown, not the most direct route but the cabbie said it was more scenic, I asked him if he had heard about Shea Lo and if he knew where she lived."
The cabbie replied, "This is Point Grey, you can sometimes see David Suzuki walking along the beach here, who is Shea Lo?"
"I didn't think it was worth explaining as I had tried slipping a bit of satire into the conversation with little effect and in any case we soon crossed the over a bridge into downtown and the Hotel Vancouver, a grand hotel in the French Chateau style where I stayed."
"Once I got settled I went outside for a walk. There were a number of well dressed attractive ladies standing outside the hotel by themselves so I thought I would ask them if they were Shea Lo, thinking she was probably a professional woman. One lady told be that she would be Shea Lo for me for four hundred dollars an hour but then I would have to fuck off. I didn't think that she was really Shea Lo and by then didn't have the heart to ask the others."
"Feeling disillusioned I went for a walk to Robson Square which was not too far away. It's a nice modern public space with an artificial ice skating surface and buskers. I sat down on the stairs and watched some skateboarders and a fellow with devil sticks show off."
"I pulled out my laptop and started to write a Spoof thinking that perhaps Shea Lo would spot me with TheSpoof.com logo on my machine and ask me if I was Skoob1999 in the most natural way possible as if we were room mates together living on the steps at Robson Square. An odd thought perhaps in other cities but the Vancouver climate is quite temperate and it is entirely possible to get by with light clothing."
"After thoroughly enjoying the urban experience I set off to Gas Town, a collection of turn of the century buildings that were upgraded in the seventies. My cab driver had told me that people often met each other at the steam clock so I went directly there and stood there for awhile thinking that Shea Lo might be sharing a cyber connection with me and be drawn to meet me uncontrollably."
"I waited an hour or so but no luck, some people said hello as they walked by but nobody asked me if I was Skoob1999. I gave some spare change to a few rough looking blokes who looked down on their luck thinking there was not much more than a couple of keystrokes between them and me."
"I walked back down Water Street along the harbourfront towards the Lion's Gate Bridge and headed back to my hotel, hungry and tired but still desperately optimistic, ready for sleep."