Written by Tarquin
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Topics: Music, Lily Allen

Friday, 21 May 2010

There was outrage today from fans of Lily Allen across the world as her latest song "Whatever" was heard to have a third note. Even worse, this note was actually sung in tune, according to Jeremy...Clarkson...In the World.

After severe pressure from her record label, it seems that Lily Allen has already forgotten her humble beginnings on monotone. Many people believed she was unable to make the leap to two notes, and she made that a fantastic success. But is this latest addition a note too far?

We went out on the street to find a Lily Allen fan. However, we couldn't find one, so we kept nagging people until someone admitted to have heard of her. When asked, this old lady's opinion of Lily Allen, she stated "what a load of old SHIT!!!" On reflection, we shouldn't have asked Catherine Tate.

But we didn't give up. After extensive searching we found a Lily Allen Fan in a secret location. He wishes to remain anonymous, as none of his friends know he is a closet Lily Allen liker. He said "Well, I've been a secret Lily Allen fan for years, mainly cuz I can wank whenever she's on screen, I'm 50 so I think she's well fit. However, this third note...she's lost her appeal. I'm going to be bashing the bishop over Ann Widdecombe from now on."

Please contact us with your view on this controversial new note. email us at "itsnotfair@ithinkyourereallymean.web" or phone us on the following number "removed cuz we honestly DON'T care".

Thanks for reading, and, Lily Allen, if you read this, PLEASE SHUT UP AND GO AWAY!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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