LOS ANGELES - A spokesperson for Lionsdoor Pictures has just announced that Zac Efron, Robert Pattinson, and Taylor Lautner have been signed to star in the Benigo Luigi Montemarciano oil mess thriller Louisiana Tar Balls.
The film takes place right in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico's BP oil spill. Efron, Pattinson, and Lautner star as members of the Wyoming Oil Spill Fighting Team known as The Louisiana Tar Balls.
The company, which is based in Cheyenne, Wyoming is named after the three children of the owners Bucky and Ida Rae Beddingbisker, Lou, Isi, and Ana.
In the movie, which is R rated for raucous, the three main characters travel down to the Bayou State and check into the Hotel Ooh La La in New Orleans and begin formulating an oil spill emergency plan.
While at the Ooh La La the trio meets three participants in The Bourbon Street Female Impersonator Pageant which is being hosted by none other than RuPaul, who at 6 foot 6, has got to be the tallest FI in all of the 48 states.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: Abel actually wrote 50, but I took my editor's license and changed it to 48, since I personally do not recognize Alaska or Arizona for political reasons.]
During the course of the movie the three main actors will get involved with some Cajun back bayou moonshiners, some Creole crocodile poachers, and a big bosomed swamp witch, named Miss Missy Pissy, who reads chicken gumbo pieces and repairs biological clocks on the side.
SIDENOTE: The theme song for Louisiana Tar Balls entitled "Balls of Tar From Louisiana" was written by Justin Bieber and he and Lady Gaga sing it in the motion picture. The movie soundtrack is available on Broken Records.