LOS ANGELES - A California judge has issued an arrest warrant for Lindsay Lohan, alias LiLo, alias Miss Mess, alias, Hey Just Who The Hell Does This Flaky Bitch Think She Is Anyway Paris Hilton or What?
The unemployed actress is wanted for violating California state statute #987-654-123, which clearly states that "An individual who habitually throws drinks in the face or faces of said person or persons shall be arrested and incarcerated for the wanton act of second class stupidity perpetrated on society."
Los Angeles County Judge LaMarshanda Yolanda Revelinski, said that she is sick and tired of these third rate,, spoiled brat white bitch actress divas and prima donnas coming into her court and trying to make a mocked up mockery out of her well-established place of judgement.
Judge Revelinski went on to say that individuals like Britney Spears, Heather Locklear, and Paris Hilton will not get an ounce of sympathy from her and they will in fact get a good old-fashioned ass-kicking from a fat little old black girl from Hot Coffee, Mississippi.
Lohan, according to 9 eye witnesses and 14 ear witnesses, is reported to have been acting in an unladylike manner and was actually acting as if she had a penis between her legs (hers not some guys).
When Miss Lindsay Lohan was instructed to show up in Judge Revelinski's court, Miss Lohan failed to do so. She stated that she must have overslept or something because she had circled the date on her kitchen calendar and penciled in "Must Be There For Sure, For Sure."
Judge Revelinski has threatened to place Lohan in jail for six months or 180 days whichever comes first. While in jail Lohan will be forced to wear an electronic ankle bracelet, an electronic wrist bracelet, and an electronic labia bracelet.
When Lohan was told about Judge Revelinski's ruling she just laughed and said that no California judge is going to tell her what to do. She is after all Miss Lindsay Lohan, movie star, singing sensation, and basic Left Coast eye candy.
SIDENOTE: Judge Revelinski was told about Lohan's last remark and she has now said that when Lohan is arrested she will be setting her bail at $10 million.