Blonde bikini babe Sarah Harding out of girl band Girls Aloud was this afternoon at the centre of a massive police operation, after she was kidnapped and tied to a railway line in a Lancashire village. Whilst visiting a friend.
The drama unfolded in Hapton, Lancs. Harding was visiting old friend Judith Puckerlipz and had popped out to the shop to buy a packet of chewing gum when she was pounced upon and bundled away by a mysterious mystery man of mystery.
The mysterious fiend, described by witnesses as looking like a silent movie villain, complete with top hat, tails, and a great big bushy beard, with wild staring eyes which were emphasised by half a ton of mascara, took his hapless victim to a nearby railway line, where he tied her to the tracks.
Using a white rope.
Reports suggest that Sarah Harding out of Girls Aloud put up a violent struggle, but she was no match for the fiend, who laughed insanely like a madman and made wild hand gestures throughout the incident.
Onlookers pleaded with the man to let Sarah Harding go, telling him that there would be a train coming sometime next month and that Sarah Harding would surely be killed stone dead unless he chose to release her from her white rope bonds.
The fiend ignored them, and he ignored the police too when they finally arrived, appearing to take great pleasure in Sarah Harding's terrified cries. As the police set up a table and tucked into some pies which they had sent out to a local bakery for, a terrible impasse ensued.
Eventually, the day was saved by passing cowboy, Clint McQueen, who dismounted his horse and waved his six-shooters at the fiend in a threatening manner. The fiend was last observed running away through some long grass in the direction of a local chemical plant.
McQueen then untied Sarah Harding and helped her to her feet as onlookers broke out into spontaneous applause.
Sarah Harding is recovering from her ordeal by propping the bar up in a local pub, down by the canal bridge.
Lancashire Police say they'll keep an eye out for the ruthless fiend as soon as they finish their pies.
More as we get it.