HOLLYWOOD - The Dancing With The Stars semi-finals show went off without a hitch, except for the sidesaddle riding judge from Italy Bruno "La Eff Word" Tonioli.
Yes, Brunito, as he is known in gay bars throughout Sicily, Sardinia, and Staten Island forgot that he was not at Sissy Sal's Lisping Lounge and accidentally uttered the dreaded "F" word.
Fellow judge, Carrie Ann Inaba, of the Philippines immediately grabbed her chest in shock. The British grouch, Len Goodman, who really needs to retire and get his old limey English arse (ass) back to Soho, or Upper Tooting, or wherever the ancient crotchety UK bloke is from, said that Tonioli needs to wash out his mouth with soap.
He then added that Brunita had better stop reaching under the table looking to fondle his willy (Len's willy not Bruno's).
Host Tom Bergeron said that Bruno just donated $10,000 into the Dancing With The Stars staff Christmas party fund.
Bruno apologized and said that it was really all Erin Andrews fault because she danced like a sexy sultry seductress and even though he is totally gay he would jump on her like Jesse James chasing down one of his half dozen tattooed skanks.
Erin got a puzzled look on her face and asked, "Ah Bruno tell me, is that supposed to be a compliment or what bitch?"
Bruno blushed and said that his mascara was starting to run and that he did mean it as a compliment.
He pointed out that so far this year he has only gotten seven woodies while watching a dance performance and she was the first girl and now he is so confused he is going to go home and make an appointment with his sex therapist, the transgendered Maurice of Monrovia.
Nicole Scherzinger of the Pussycat Dolls and her partner Derek "Cheryl Cole's BFF" Hough received three perfect 10s for their Viennese Waltz.
Carrie Ann said that watching them made her cry. Bruno said he cried also. Len told both of them to stop being pussies and show America that they both have ovaries. Carrie Ann answered, "Okay." And Bruno replied, "Yes, Len you're right, and I will."
Also receiving three 10s were Olympic skating champion Evan Lysacek and his partner Anna Trebunskaya who performed a Paso Doble that was written by George Lopez.
The song titled, "Hey Homey, Que Friggin Paso Vato" was recently named The Best Song in Arizona" but with the new Immigration Law, the song has since been disqualified and replaced with the Bing Crosby classic, "I'm Dreaming of A White Honky Christmas."
To see some very erotically exciting photographs of co-host Brooke Burke's award-winning snuggle pups log on to www.brookeburkestits.wow