Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 17 May 2010

image for Celebrity Apprentice: Trump Fires Curtis Stone, Maria Kanellis, and Sharon "Sniffles" Osbourne
The Trump Tower is shown on the extreme right just above the German flag. (Photo courtesy of Warren Beatty).

NEW YORK CITY - Apparently the Producers of the reality show Celebrity Apprentice have informed Mr. Donald Trump that he needs to hurry up and get the show's season wrapped up.

Instead of firing one celebrity, El Trumpster reared back and fired a trio of contestants. First to go was celebrity chef, Curtis Stone. The native of Australia knew that he was not long for the show when he read in People Magazine that Donald Trump does not care for Australian food and especially Kangaroo Pocket Burgers, Koala Sushi, and Dingo Donuts.

Curtis said that he even offered to cook Mr. Trump a nice Rib Eye dinner but Trump declined saying that it would probably only end up having an aboriginal taste.

Next to get kicked off the show was one of the prettiest celebs to ever appear on CelebApp, as Ivanka Trump, Donald's 6 foot 4 inch daughter refers to the show.

Former WWE diva-prima donna Maria Kanellis, of the Windy City, no not Phoenix...Chicago, heard Mr. Trump go on and on about how beautiful she is, and how she has the most gorgeous looking bedroom eyes he has ever seen, and how her tata's are most definitely something to write home about, and how if he was not happily married, he would jump her bones like stink on a skunk.

Maria smiled and asked, "I have bedroom eyes?"

"Maria, you're fired! Now hurry up and get your sexy looking ass out of her before I change my mind and call my attorney and file for divorce."

The third person to get dumped was Sharon "Sniffles" Osbourne, so called because throughout most of the show's episodes she was sick and sneezing and coughing, and spreading literally millions and millions of germs all over the other contestants.

Selita Ebanks and Maria Kanellis began referring to Sharon as "Bubonic" Osbourne, the "Germ Grouch," and "Cover Up Your Mouth Bitch."

The last two celebrities remaining are now Poison lead singer Bret Michaels, who has made an amazing recovery and Holly Robinson Peete, an actress who no one had ever heard of before the show.

Michael's band is noted for being voted the all time favorite hard rock band in Zimbabwe. In fact, he is so popular that the citizens of the African country have bestowed on him the honorary name of Kimba Timbuki Alasham, which means, white dude who can stare down a lion and paint its nails with a pink Sharpie pen.

Holly Robinson Peete has the distinction of appearing in a low budget movie entitled, The Peroxide Blonde's Black Pubes with some of America's most unknown actors including Cymbal Sue Simplelax, Payola Rootweaver, and Fargo Munkerhunter.

Holly did happily say that she is being considered for a part opposite the ex-actor Billy Bob Thornton, who after his stupid display of utter disrespect in a Canadian radio station last year, now cannot even get a job doing Preparation H commercials.

So now it has finally come down to the final two; rock star vs. actress, male vs. female, white vs. black, good guy vs. bad hairdo back stabber.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Yes, Holly relished making fun of her ex-teammate Cyndi Lauper who when she was fired last week left Trump's board room with three knives in her back that had been put there by good golly Miss damn Holly.]

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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