Written by Morgan Truce
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Monday, 28 February 2005

image for "Bedtime with Michael Jackson" - appearing on PBS

MARYLAND (AP) Public Broadcasting Service announced this week that PBS stations would start carrying a new children's show called "Bedtime with Michael Jackson". "We felt like we had to pick up the slack in our children's programming left when Mr. Rogers died. Although Fred Rogers aimed at reaching all the small children at about four o'clock in the afternoon, our new Michael Jackson show will try to reach children just as they're getting their jammies on to go to bed."

Michael Jackson's appeal to young boys is well documented. His new PBS show will feature many fun-type activities for the youngsters. While gathered together on Michael's bed the children will play games that include throwing scoops of ice cream at Elizabeth Taylor, and wrestling with Michael Jackson's umbrella bearer. Michael Jackson will, of course, join with the boys in much bedtime playmaking and fun. Michael's bed was made special just for this TV show by the Sealy company and is said to include several dozen sets of ropes and a remotely controlled Tazor device.

"We expect to have a constant supply of young boys made available for the bedtime show by the Santa Monica Cub Scouts-Mr. Jackson will personally help with the Merit Badge program. Special awards will be given to young boys who make it through the night without bed-wetting." Of course, everyone will be wearing pajamas at all times during the taping of the entire show--this is a family style show.

"We are trying our best to incorporate a segment of wine-tasting into the show, but only if we can get permission from the local district attorney. We think it's a good idea to introduce young children to the intoxicating buzz and loss of inhibition that a nice tall glass of wine gives before bedtime."

Regular guests will include Elizabeth Taylor, David Gest, Pee-Wee Herman, Batman and Robin, Regis Philbin and Mr. McFeeley from the old Mr. Rogers show. Mr. McFeeley says that he will be glad to "feel close" to young children once again.

Tickets for the "Bedtime with Michael Jackson" live audience have been sold out for at least the first six months to several groups of Roman Catholic priests and members of NAMBLA. Ordinary pedophiles should be able to obtain tickets for the 2007 season by mailing in a copy of their sex offender listing to PBS.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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