Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Monday, 17 May 2010

image for Arabian-Born Miss Michigan Wins The 2010 Miss USA Title
The new Miss USA's pet camel, Humpy, who she gave to an aunt back in Arabia.

LAS VEGAS - The winner of the 2010 Miss USA is Miss Michigan, Rima Fakih [pronounced: FUK-Ing].

The native of Arabia beat out 48 other American girls for the coveted title of Donald Trump's pageant. One of the judges, Minnesota Vikings quarterback Brett Favre said that what won him over was her answer to the question if she felt that Jay Leno had stabbed Conan O'Brien in the back.

Rima smiled, took a sip of her Diet Pepsi can and answered in an ear-piercing, "Why hell yes! Leno is an SOB, whose chin could feed 40 Ethiopians for a whole week."

The representative from Cracker Corners, Arizona, Janelle Yoyo Guzzlebrush was disqualified and told to return to Arizona due to the political turmoil that the state has caused by instilling its recent Immigration Bill 1070, known in California as Stalag 13, in Colorado as Third Reich #3, and in Delaware as Nazi Dot Com.

Donald Trump stated that he does not want to get involved in whether or not Arizona is right or wrong in her decision, but he did say that he had to disqualify the Arizona representative, Miss Guzzlebrush, because she was backstage badmouthing Enchiladas Verdes, nachos, and Jose Cuervo Tequila.

Trump said that one of his pet peeves has always been people who discriminate against food, whether it be Fettuccine Alfredo, Jellyfish Sushi, sauerkraut, or Eskimo Pies.

Meanwhile, the new Miss USA, who is 24, won the bathing suit competition with her skimpy bathing suit that pageant judge Joan Rivers referred to as looking like something that came out of a postage stamp machine.

Miss Fakih also won the talent competition for her fabulous rendition of the Katie Perry hit song "I Kissed A Girl."

Fakih did want it known that just because she sang about kissing a girl does not mean that she is a lesbian or even gay for that matter.

Miss Montana, Ramona Firebrick won the Biggest Biceps Award, and thanked her high school PE coach Bernie "The Package" Hillingside, her high school principal Waynard Piffypix, and her ex-husband Dustin Rustygarden, 62.

Miss Mississippi, Polly Holly Landlocket won the Contestant With The Biggest Hooters Award.

SIDENOTE: The new Miss USA was asked what she thought about Glenn Beck, and she replied that he seems to be totally and completely obsessed with Nazism and she wonders if perhaps maybe he isn't a closet Nazi who dresses in Halloween store Nazi regalia.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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