Written by Skoob1999
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Sunday, 16 May 2010

image for BGT - Simon Cowell 'Owns' Amanda Holden's Soul
Britain's Got Talent - But Few Reliable Geographers.

A seemingly off the cuff remark by Simon Cowell to fellow BGT judge Amanda Holden rocked the world of show business to its very foundations last night.

The furore began in Cardiff, when ex-factory worker and part time cleaner, Marlene, 62 took the stage to sing, but paused before starting her act in order to hand out headbands to the judges. When she saw that Simon Cowell had been presented with a pair of 'devil horns' Amanda Holden joked about selling her soul to Cowell.

"I already own your soul darling," or words to that effect, were uttered in reply by the Trillionaire judge.

As one, the TV audience recoiled like a Mexican Wave and several TV viewers fell out of their comfortable Saturday evening armchairs.

One man, a Mister Derek Weathercock of Bath, who was in the bath, watching the show on a portable TV, was so shocked that he slipped with his loofah, and suffered serious friction burns. Fortunately he wasn't electrocuted. Like Mister Josiah Hedgerow, of Chippenham, Wilts, who was electrocuted in an accident involving a portable TV in the bath, although it is reported the incident had no connection with BGT as it is thought Mister Hedgerow was attempting to watch a pirate DVD of 'Avatar' in his bath. Anyway, he snuffed it.

Back in the studio, Everton supporter and one time Blind Date contestant, Amanda Holden, who was once married to Les Dennis out of Family Fortunes, but who split with him over a sexual affair with Neil Morrisey out of Men Behaving Badly, her that is, not Les Dennis, whose survey said:

She was horrified. She stepped back in shock and awe - no mean feat when you're seated - and waited for Piers Morgan to spring to her defence.

He didn't.

A source told us that only his future pay cheques held him back though. So to all intents and purposes, Simon Cowell still owns Amanda Holden's soul. Allegedly.

And to cap it all, Marlene's singing was crap and she got three definite 'no's.'

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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