The recent remake of TV classic, 'The Prisoner' has been greeted with unprecedented apathy by viewers around the world.
Quite frankly, nobody seems to give a damn whether Number Six escapes from the village or not, much less finds out what Number Two is really up to, or even what it's all about anyway.
It seems that the retelling of the old story has failed to cut any ice with viewers, including fans of the original, which starred TV 'Dangerman' Patrick McGoohan and was filmed at Port Merion, the Italianate folly in North Wales.
It seems that the viewers don't really care why Jim Cavaziel (who also played Jesus in Mel Gibson's 'The Passion Of The Christ) is being held in the village, and would much rather spend their Saturday nights down the pub. (Assuming they've got a pub to go to.)
"The Prisoner is rubbish," hardened drinker Tommy Heaney of Accrington told us. "It's shite. Not that I've ever seen it, but I have been told. I saw the original one, back in the day, and that was all right. Well, when I say all right, I really mean it were crap, but the village was nice. They tell me that in the new one, the Village is like a load of wooden wigwams out in the desert, and that's not for me, that. I'd much rather go to pub, shoot some pool, have a game of darts, get rat-arsed, go for a fight in car park and have some fish and chips, or a kebab. And be sick on me way home. Much better than sitting indoors all night with the wife watching Simon bastard Cowell's X-Factor and The Prisoner. Fuck that for a game of soldiers."
"He's right tha knows," Heaney's drinking pal Harry 'The Wank' Taylor told us. "The Prisoner - load of old bollocks is that."
At which point, Harry 'The Wank' Taylor walked face first into a skip and somebody called an ambulance. The last we heard he was getting his head stitched up in Casualty and telling whoever would listen that his uncle is a personal friend of David Dickinson out of 'Dickinson's Real Deal' - although we can't confirm that.
More as we get it.