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Saturday, 15 May 2010

image for Keith Richards' Autobiography All A Bit Hazy
It's Only Rock And Roll But I Like It!

London - Executive Editors from a major international publishing house met this morning in order to discuss reports that Keith Richards' upcoming autobiography isn't all it's cracked up to be.

The Rolling Stones guitarist - a notorious 'caner' signed a six figure deal last year to pen the autobiography, due for release later in the year. But early progress reports don't appear to be very encouraging.

"It's the story the whole world wants to hear," insider Buffty Ginslinger told us. "It's the ultimate insider's guide to a lifetime of hell-raising rock'n'roll excess. The trouble is, our Keef's a bit sketchy on the finer detail. He can remember wild nights of drug and alcohol fuelled sex in hotel rooms, but he struggles to remember who the sex was with, or where the hotel was. In chapter seven he waxes lyrical about a sensuous, spiritual young woman with a liking for contortionism and hot candle wax, but he can't remember her name or where she came from."

One of Richards' editors, Ms Mulberry Busch told us that the details weren't all that important at the draft stage, the main thing being to get the essence of the story, and any gaps could be filled in later.

One of the book's early chapters details a backstage bust up between the band members which it is rumoured 'encapsulates the entire rock and roll experience in a way never before explored, as creative differences within the band crackle to an explosive climax.'

Buffty Ginslinger acknowledges that this chapter is indeed an incisive, almost clinical dissection of the greatest rock band of all time, but goes on to say that the impact is a little dulled by the fact that none of the band members recall precisely what prompted the bust up in the first place. Especially Keith Richards, who had passed out, while Mick Jagger, Charlie Watts and Ronnie Wood just slouched around sulking and glaring at one another.

"The book's going really well man," Keith Richards told our reporter. "It'll be fine when we fill in the blanks. And if nobody can remember, we'll just make it up. This stuff will make the Mick, Marianne and the Mars Bar thing look like kid's stuff."

We can't wait.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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