Written by Bill Licks
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Friday, 14 May 2010

image for Jonathan Ross still presents a chat show shock
This poor viewer has waited 268 years for Woss to say something funny

The man who said he was leaving the BBC to do something else is surprisingly still working for the BBC presenting his chat show on a Friday evening.

Jonathan Ross or Paul Ross's brother as he is known to Paul Ross was seen interviewing the fat unfunny bloke off Shaun of the Dead, Alexandra Burke's vagina, some dwarf in an over-sized suit and a student who sings and probably sucks record company execs cocks quite well too.

Viewers who don't normally watch TV on a Friday evening as they're usually so pissed, were shocked to see Ross still cracking the same bollocks jokes, asking the same tedious questions and trying to flirt with someone who probably thinks he's a tedious questioned, bollock joked twat.

As the same old video clips of that unfunny fat bloke falling over the fence in Hot Fuzz and Alexandra Burke giving her best ever silent vocal performance on the X Factor after she was announced the winner, some confused viewers assumed that perhaps the last 6 years of their lives had just been a bad alcoholic dream.

So confused were the viewers that they had to immediately crack open a bottle of half price Chilean Chardonnay from Tesco and down it very quickly to put them back into that happy contented haze that they normally existed in on a Friday night.

Ross's hour long show eventually finished after what seemed like 3 hours and the viewers once again vowed never to stay in on a Friday night for at least another 6 years by which time Woss might have finally fucked off and left the BBC.

Viewers witnessed further disappointment after Woss's Crap Show when they watched the Euromillions Lottery Draw and didn't win one penny of that 86 million quid jackpot. Most of them didn't buy a ticket but that's not the fucking point when they start going off on an irrational pissed up rant.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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