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Friday, 14 May 2010

image for Kristen Stewart Had Tourettes Until She Was, Sh*t! 13!

"I thought someone would dig it out sooner or later", stated Kristen Stewart Friday after her appearance on Oprah Thursday. "So I thought I'd go ahead and tell the story myself before some idiot got half of it right and screwed it all up."

After announcing this to a group of reporters that she had called to see after a filming section, Kristen told about the fact that she had had a form of Tourettes Syndrome until she was 13.

"It made me want to hide and not even go to school because of my obscene outbursts", Kristen allegedly told the reporters who finally got around to telling our Hillyard, stuck in a traffic jam.

Stewart has been contributing to a fund for those who are victims of this malady that everyone but them, think is funny.

"It's not funny when you give a book report and it sounds like it was written by a porn star. I hope no one ever recorded those."

"I'll always be thankful for Ms.Grant in the sixth grade who allowed me to stay in at lunch time and give my report directly to her. It was encouraging and very kind of her."

When asked why she doesn't give a "shit" out loud anymore, she began to kid with the reporters.

"Can you imagine a vampire with Tourettes?"

Stewart says that she doesn't know why 'the horror' went away.

"I woke up one morning and it was almost completely gone. The doc's said that it could have something to do with me hitting puberty. That happens with people who stutter sometimes."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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