Written by jlurcott
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Topics: Family

Tuesday, 15 February 2005

image for Piglet Is Dead - Assumed Murdered
Piglet

Christipher, the local insane boy who believed a family pig from the farm was sentient finally snapped back into reality and butchered the creature who he dubbed Piglet.

It all started when Christopher, now a 45 year old banker residing in Boston, took a trip home to say hello to Piglet, Tiger and the rest of the crew. Tiger, now a very old tiger still living in the north American forests was hanging out with a that old rabbit guy who's name escapes me. Pooh and Eeyore were sitting nursing some bee stings after their latest escapade with the honey. Strangely missing was Piglet who had grown so fat, round and juicy delicious that he was unable get out of his house in a tree. After recently converting to Mormonism from Judaism(same thing really) Christopher decided to take a trip out to fat old Piglet's crib. It went down like this.

*knock knock*

Piglet: Who is it?

Christopher: It's me, Christopher!

Piglet: wow! hi Christopher!

Christopher: Why Piglet, you look so...plump

Piglet: Umm.. yea. I've put on some weight. I really need to get down to the river and do some laps

Christopher: You wouldn't want to harm your exquisite roundness, now would you?

Piglet: Well, I guess not. I still need to get in shape.

Christopher: How about we take a trip down to the butcher shop. You can start training by...punching meat.

Piglet: I dunno... Ok, I guess so.

*Piglet grabs his sweat suit and headband then leaves with Jon never to be heard from again*

What ensued was probably one of the strangest things I've ever heard of. I manged to track down the butcher who was working at the time Christopher came in with Piglet. Butcher Bill had this to say, "I swear, that guy kept talking to this fat ass pig. It was a really creepy. He sounded like a stalker Hannibal." Before Christopher and Piglet went into the butcher room Jonathan was heard saying, "Yes Piglet. The meat is in here. Aren't you feeling round." About a minute after the two ventured into the butcher room, there were pig screams and the sound of a meat cleaver swinging...

There is a memorial service planned for Piglet. Jon is obviously not invited since he is being held at the Boston psychiatric ward for evaluation. contact the penguins for directions and information on the service.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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