Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 11 May 2010

image for German Authorities Are Considering Filing Indecent Exposure Charges Against Claudia Schiffer
A photo of Claudia Schiffer taken when she was three months pregnant. (Photo courtesy of the Simon Cowell Collection).

BERLIN - Members of The German Federation For Human Decency are seriously considering bringing charges of indecent exposure against German model Claudia Schiffer.

Schiffer appears on the cover of the German edition of Vgue Magazine and all she is wearing is a ring, a bracelet, and a horrendously ugly scowl look on her face.

If the pregnant mother is happy at having a child she most certainly does not look like it. Judging by her expression, one would think that she had gotten knocked up by the milkman or something.

Claudia said that she got the idea of plastering her nude pregnant body on the cover of a magazine from Lisa Marie Presley.

Presley got the idea from Christina Aguilera who got the idea from Britney Spears, who got the idea from the original fat-bellied celeb Demi Moore.

A representative for The German Federation For Human Decency, Bruno Von Borisberger, said that they conducted an email survey of their 39,263 male members.

They asked if they found the idea of having a nine months pregnant woman showing off her bloated tummy attractive in any way, shape, or form.

Of the 39,263, a total of 19,964 replied "No!" 19,298 replied Hell No!" And one, a Hans Dusselgart, 42, of Munich, answered, "Are ya effin' kiddin' me. I was eating a liverwurst and cheddar sandwich and when I glanced over at the coffee table and saw the cover of that Schiffer female, I threw up all over my wife's favorite cat Pussylips. It was a horrible sight and luckily I was able to get my wife's Pussylips cleaned up before she arrived home from work."

Dusselgart went on to say that he has a message for all of these self-centered, egomaniacal pregnant women that think it is cute to flaunt their disgustingly fat stomachs for all to see.

"Ladies," Hans remarked, "You aren't gonna like this, but here goes. Trust me on this one. And please do not say that it is all about the beauty of motherhood. Horsefeathers. A male got you pregnant but you have never seen a man whose wife is expecting on the cover of Sports Illustrated showing off his pecker."

Hans cleared his throat and continued, "And here is a little male secret for ya. There isn't a husband anywhere in the world, except maybe for Portugal and Italy, who wants to see the slim and trim woman that he married now looking like she just swallowed an NBA basketball purposely showing off her ballooned out belly. Okay? So please accept it, like taxes, oil spills, and Queen Elizabeth's hat collection, which by the way now numbers 1,398.

So gals lets be honest and admit that a gigantic pooched out belly is about as attractive to a man as the inside of Amy Winehouse's mouth."

To view the entire collection of Queen Elizabeth's 1,398 hats log on to www.queenlizzyshatgallery.old

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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