Written by jlurcott
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Topics: Chinese, illuminati

Monday, 14 February 2005

image for The Illuminati Orders Takeout

Deep within a secret one world governmental complex, those who run the major world governments are having trouble...ordering Chinese takeout. The Illuminati, the super secret organization that runs the world, also struggles with the weekly ritualistic ordering of Chinese takeout. Luckily, penguins are occasionally invited to their meetings, so we can bring you first hand accounts of how the most powerful people in the world cope with bad takeout. The following is a first hand account of what how the Illuminati walk, talk, and act.

You want general tso chicken again, right George? Ok, so three orders of general tso chicken, one large spare rib, and three orders of fried rice. Does Chavez want anything? Nevermind, I remembered he's dieting, so just another one of those tasty cookies. 45 Minutes? Thanks!

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"Those who direct the Illuminati are against Christ and for Satan. They always remain in the dark, unidentified, and generally unsuspected. They use all peoples to serve their diabolical purposes. They divide to conquer, supplying arms and money to both sides, instigating people to fight and kill each other, in order to be able to achieve their objectives. they foster the terrorism of atomic warfare and deliberately cause world famine. Their primary goal is to form a one world government to have complete control of the entire world, destroying all religions and governments in the process." - Melvin Sickler

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45 minutes later...

"Tony, where is my general tso? I want that chicken. The meeting cannot begin without the ceremonial Chinese takeout" said George. And, as Tony appeared annoyed and hungry he snapped back at George with a curt "Christ, George. Just eat your ribs." George, having that tendency to fight for what he wants, made the General Tso chicken the first item to be brought up after the minutes from the previous meeting were read.

"Are there any new items of business since last week's meeting?" said the Penguin(that's me!). "Yes", said the George. "I would like to point out that Tony refused to call the China Moon restaurant and explain their error." At this point I asked George if he always talks like Captain Kirk. George seemed a bit irritated and snapped by with a "Who invited the penguin."

"I'd like to bring up the Gargoyle issue", pipped in the evil Tony. "They are aware of our identities." Looking surprised, I pointed out to Tony doesn't even live in the US, so I asked what he is worried about. Tony reminded me there is a separate gargoyle clan in his home country. We all had a good laugh when George made some impressions of Goliath and Demonna, which sounded a little too...accurate.

At this point Tony finally agreed call back the Chinese restaurant. I remember him muttering, "I run China and I can't get my Chinese takeout order right...Smashing" in one of those nasty high class voices we've all grown to love and adore. Moments later I heard "Look, we ordered general tso chicken, Spare Ribs, and White Rice with 5 egg rolls. We did not order Orange chicken and Fried rice... Fine, whatever. Could you deliver another order of general tso to us?.... yes... fine... we just want some general tso chicken. thanks.

And so the meeting continued after the Chinese food was delivered. Much was debated that evening. And even though everybody's life will most certainly be altered, I'll be far far away.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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