WEST HOLLYWOOD - Melissa Etheridge emailed Chely Wright as soon as she heard the 'carpet munching' news and invited her to do a duet with her.
Chely replied that if by 'duet' she means a little bit of 'playpen pounding' she was sorry but she would have to pass on that at least for now, while she takes time to sort out all of this AC-DC, same-sex, yodeling-in-the-canyon shit, for want of better words.
Etheridge told her not to be so quick to flatter herself as she has more chicks than a Kentucky chicken farm. Wright apologized and told her not to get her panties all in a wad.
Melissa informed her that she hasn't worn panties since she was in the third grade and that she's been A wearer of mens' boxer shorts ever since then.
Chely told her that she is still a little confused and is trying to sort out her female hormones from her male hormones and trying to figure out if she will be the 'girl' like Portia (Ellen's wife) and Tammy Lynn (Melissa's wife) or if she will be the 'guy' like Ellen, Melissa, Rosie, Meredith, Suze, Wanda, Lily, and Fannie.
[WRITER'S NOTE: Of the above eight women, how many of their last names can you name?: ANSWER AT THE BOTTOM OF THE ARTICLE.]
Melissa told Chely not to rush it and that whatever she decides just to be sure and remember that contrary to what all of the Budweiser, Dos Equis, Corona, and Viagra adds say a woman does not need to have a man's diddly dipper (dip stick) in order to have her bikini taco satisfied, fulfilled, and acknowledged in an emotional, physical, sexual, and informative manner.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: Chely did agree to go into the recording studio with Melissa and record a song which Etheridge wrote especially for the two of them entitled, "The Ballad Of The Glazed Donuts."]
ANSWER: DeGeneres, Etheridge, O'Donnell, Baxter, Orman, Sykes, Tomlin, and Flagg.