Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 6 May 2010

image for Kelly Clarkson's Hit Song "I Thought I Heard Him Say Suck It" Hits #1
One of Kelly Clarkson's favorite places to be is the cookie aisle of a supermarket.

CHICAGO - Kelly Clarkson was in town to sing the National Anthem at a Chicago Cubs games when she was asked about her most recent song.

Clarkson, beamed with pride, as she said that her song "I Thought I Heard Him Say Suck It" went from being number 5 last week to number 1 this week.

The song which she revealed is based on a true story is also number one in England, Scotland, Ireland, China, and Kamgooganda, which borders Dutch West Wakaboonka and Upper Shabatu.

Clarkson said that she is currently working out the details for her next concert tour which will include The Fa Shizzle Chumpz, Demi Lovato, and the amazing Saudi Arabian band Camel Carl & The Desert Rag Headz, which are noted for being the very first hip hop rap Muslim band in the entire world.

Kelly said that she wants to put an end to the current rumor that is going around the Great Lakes area about her and her hair stylist having an affair.

Clarkson said, "Hey y'all. Now everyone knows that my hair stylist Jose of San Jose is gay. So if I'm a girl then there is no way that I would possibly be attracted to a gay guy.

Now if I'm a girl who likes girls, I would still not like Jose. Now, if I was a biological guy who likes gay guys then I would more than likely be attracted to Jose, and in a most definite gay way by the way."

Kelly is still trying desperately to lose weight. She would not reveal her actual weight but I called Larry King and he told me that as of this morning, the frumpy North Texan tips the scales at 234.

To view non-gay photos of Jose playing footsie with Lindsay Lohan, Courtney Love, and Kobe Bryant's wife Vanessa log on to www.nongaypixofjoseofsanjose.yuc

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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