MARICOPA COUNTY, Arizona - Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio was asked what he thinks about the rumors that the Mexican drug cartels have put out the word that they want him to pack up his pink wardrobe and move up to Alaska as soon as possible.
The feisty sheriff, who actually only stands 5 foot 3, replied that he has no intention of leaving Maricopa County, Arizona; America; or his favorite horsey, "Wetback II."
He pointed out that the drug cartels only care about drugs and drug related stuff. He pointed out that they do not give a Chihuahua's ass about a little bitty, insignificant piece of toro turd, Napoleon complexed, Barney Fife type like him.
The sheriff, who is noted for forcing his prisoners to wear pink clothes items and shoes, stated that if he arrests any drug cartellers he will force them to wear pink serapes.
Antonio "El Loco Dude" Salsa de Fuego, drug lord of Mexico's infamously notorious Mexicali Maracas Drug Cartel heard Arpaio's claim and replied in big time broken English. "Dees chairoff guy Joey Archuleta, I mean Joey Archipelago, he ease geeding on dee nerbs of jers truly and my fello cartelistas, junion numero 77 datch 37."
Salsa de Fuego went on to say that his 'associates' will gladly pay for Arpaio's moving expenses and they will even give him one million pesos [$77,000 U.S.] as a goodwill, getting the heck out of Dodge (Arizona), gesture.
Fox Network mouthpiece Bill O'Reilly, who is a very close friend of the sheriff, texted him and he suggested that he take the 'deal' (no pun intended).
O'Reilly said that he happens to know someone who knows Salsa de Fuego very well (his mother, Monica) and he said that she noted that the 'hombre' is one crazy vato (guy), hence his nickname "El Crazy Dude."
O'Reilly went on to point out that the strikingly beautiful Monica Salsa de Fuego, who is 62, but looks 32, said that "Tony Boy" is one sick 'muchacho,' who has been known to eat scorpion breakfast tacos and wash them down with expired tequila.
He also enjoys making people that he does not like eat burritos stuffed with pubic region hair of unsuspecting burros.
SIDENOTE: Sheriff Arpaio reportedly called another close friend of his Sarah "Snowflake" Palin and inquired as to any nice two-bedroom, two-bath houses in Wasilla, Alaska that may be on the market.