LOS ANGELES - Brenda Song, one of the most popular young stars on the Disney Channel has just recorded a song that she dedicated to comedian George Lopez.
The song is titled, "He Kissed My Cinco De Mayo" and tells the sad story of a little girl named Panchita, who grows up in Tucson, Arizona, and one day learns that her beloved state has all of a sudden turned into a 1950's version of Alabama.
The young heroine of the song, a native of Yuma is forced by her high school principal to change her name from the Spanish sounding Panchita to the Swedish sounding Panchinger [pronounced: PANSH-INGER]
Young Panny, as her PE coach calls her, is also forced to go to the optometrist and purchase blue contacs to wear over her natural brown eyes.
Panny is also told that she has to give up Mexican food such as tacos, enchiladas, guacamole, tamale tenders, grapes, lettuce, and Hostess Twinkies.
When little Panchita asks why, she is told because this is America and people in America eat American food like Big Macs, Dairy Queen Blizzards, Krispy Kreme Donuts, Vienna Sausages, Little Caesar's Crazy Bread, Popeye's Crawfish Etouffee, and Schlotzsky's Cup of Chicken Tortilla Soup.
Panny asks her Geography teacher if she will still be allowed to listen to her Shakira CD's. She is told that she will but just as long as she listens to them in New Mexico or California.
Panny writes President Obama and complains about all of this racist bullshit. He writes back and tells her to keep it to herself, but he is presently formulating plans to invade Arizona with seven Marine divisions and free the Spanish speaking people.
The president further adds that once the hot-as-hell desert state is under Marine command he will make a presidential proclamation handing the entire state over to a state governing committee made up of Salma Hayek, Eva Longoria-Parker, George Lopez, Cheech Marin, J-Lo, and Shakira.
President Obama met with Vice-President Joe Biden and acting ambassador Eva Longoria-Parker and the three have decided that once the United States Marines capture Arizona the name will immediately be changed to Fajitaland.