Written by Charpa93
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Wednesday, 5 May 2010

image for Dancing with the Stars Begs Kate Gosselin to Come Back
Can't Touch This

In a rare, never before seen move on Dancing with the Stars, the show's producers are begging Kate Gosselin to come back and compete. "There's been a terrible mistake," said a spokesperson. "The judges were honestly under the assumption that they were judging the dancers for their skill, not their ability to draw in a large viewing audience."

The remaining contestants are just not controversial enough to bring in the big numbers and unless Gosselin returns to the show, even at this late hour, it may just be doomed as the season that fizzled when Kate took her anger elsewhere. Three of the top dancers, Evan, Niecy and Pam were rumored to be highly pissed at the preferential treatment Kate is getting even when she is no longer a contestant and threatened to quit if Kate came back. No one called their bluff.

Said Pam, "I out-danced, out-sexed, and, and, and oohhh, I out-everythinged Kate. This is just so unfair. I suppose if I would have shown a bit more cleavage, I'd be asked to stay too," wherein she was reminded that she was still on the show.

It is reported that Kate can have her pick of any of the remaining dance coaches, and they are even willing to let her kids come and run roughshod over the set while rehearsals are going on. "Anything, anything," said one of the Executive Producers, "just please get your untalented, but sassy little butt back here, pronto."

When Kate heard the news, she was elated, yet, somehow knowing she was the one calling the shots, reminded the producers of how she was treated by the judges. It is reported that she can have her pick of new judges, if that is what it will take to get her back. She is considering asking her body guard to be one of the judges, as well as her over-paid manicurist and hairdresser to be the second and third judges. She also wants each of her children to be seated at a miniature judge's table in front of the official one to remind the audience why she is dancing.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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