Written by Charpa93
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Tuesday, 4 May 2010

image for Harvey Keitel Hooked on Real Housewives of New Jersey
Pasta Puttanesca al Fresco

There ain't gonna be no reason not to watch the Real Housewives of New Jersey--or "Housewifes," as it's affectionately known in Jersey-again this season because, true to form, the bitches are back and meaner than ever. Even Harvey Keitel, known well for his role as a bad cop in the movie Cop Land, is planning on watching every episode. "I ain't gonna miss a episode of Housewifes. This kinda stuff, you just can't make up," said Keitel. "I mean, I've been around Jersey a time or two and I can tell you, these is some tough broads."

The feuds are bigger this season too. Threats are flying and Bravo has its hands full seeing to it that no one gets hurt, ifyouknowwhatImean. Even so, producers warned the girls that any truly rough stuff and they'll be summarily dismissed from the Bravo gravy train.

"Don't mess with the Manzoes," warned Caroline Manzo to fellow housewife, Danielle Staub. "You wanna shovel crap at us, I'll get my brother Vinnie to get a whole garbage truck 'a garbage and doze it right into your dining room, you piece 'a rubbage," obviously very aware of what it is exactly the viewing audience will and will not tune in to watch.

While Caroline claims that it takes a certain maturity to be able to be in the same room with a person you hate, the truth of the matter is, Caroline is old school-high school, to be exact--and what she really believes is that "money talks, bullsh*t walks", plain and simple. "Go ahead, mess wit us an yous are gonna feel our wrat, no problem," she was heard to say off-camera.

And in the other corner, the pasta puttanesca, otherwise known as whore's pasta, will be served up beautifully by Teresa Guidice and is guaranteed to bring her own feud with Danielle to a whole new level. 'Gawd, I please forgive me for what I'm about to do, but I'm gonna serve my nana's pasta to a slut. 'What the hell is wrong wit me?'" she asks no one in particular, hands clasped and raised to almighty God, "Mother of Mary, Jesus Gawd, what is wrong wit me, dishing out my beloved nana's pasta to this slut," she mugs for the camera with a wicked laugh.

The men, they are the happiest. Imagine letting their wives make a few bucks for a change while they sit around drinking some beers, eating killer pasta, betting the numbers, and, at the end of the day, unzipping the zipper to half-passed, sliding the hand down to the lower part of the belly, letting out a belch, and falling asleep in front of the television. Ah television, it don't get any betta than that.

Make Charpa93's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 4 multiplied by 5?

5 20 16 13

Go to top