SEATTLE - President Barack Obama spoke before the annual convention of The Retired Lumberjacks of The Northwest Order. He praised their hard work, their devoted work ethic, their ability to cut down a 70-foot pine tree in twenty seconds flat, and their consummate skill at being able to down a six-pack of beer in just under 20 minutes.
Afterwards he was asked about his alleged involvement or more accurately his involved allegations of quasi impropriety in his professed political relationship with one Vera Baker.
Vera Baker is a strikingly attractive campaign devotee who back in 2004, was Senator Obama's Illinois senatorial election campaign financial director.
The president responded by asking, "Say what sista?"
The question was then repeated. The President wiped the smile off his face, put his handkerchief back in his pants pocket and stated, "Look her lady. I'm a man who smells like the man your man could smell like. Now, look here. Right here. Don't look down. Now look up. Now look away. Now look here. Now what do you see ladies? Yes, it's a man. I'm not your man. Now look away. Look this way. Look at my crotch. Hey, I'm on a mother effen horse. Giddy up bitch!"
The president started laughing and said that he apologized but he had been wanting to do that ever since he first saw Isaiah Mustafa, the conceited, arrogant, egomaniacal black dude on the current Old Spice commercial.
President Obama turned serious and said that he gives his solemn word as a follower of the NBA finals that he has not and he will not be doin' no pokin' gig like Johnny "Every Damn Hair In Place" Edwards, Tiger "Dick With Feet" Woods, or "Messy" Jesse James.
Obama went on to say that he and the "First Mama" aka Michelle have a great relationship and there ain't no skanks like the kind Jesse James runs around with, or the kinds of ho's that TigerBoy Woods runs around with, or even that Ann Coulteresque hillbilly bitch of John Edwards, that will ever come between him and the gorgeously ample bazongas of his sweet, kind, caring, compassionate, tall-as-heck, and ever-so-forgiving "Mish Mish." (His bedroom pet name for Michelle).
The president did point out that when he and his new foxy-looking assistant Vee-Vee, as he calls her, travel all over the country and the world they will each have their own $500 a night hotel room and he will make sure that his secret service agent understands that no one is to enter his room at any time.
Obama grinned and added "And 'specially if I be's sittin' on da sofa in my boxer skivvies watching dat big ol' black mama Oprah while I beest a sippin' on my customary six-pack of brewskis a night."
To see some sensationally graphic photos of Vera Baker which were taken in the privacy of her Chicago apartment log on to www.verabakerwannamaker.sex