Written by ej moore
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Topics: Music, American Idol

Thursday, 10 February 2005

image for Dolly scientist gets license to clone Parton, American Idol rushes to host results
No shortage of Dollys

EDINBURGH, SCOTLAND - Iam Wilmut, the man responsible for the successful cloning of Dolly the sheep announced he has secured the rights to clone human embryos of country music legend, Dolly Parton.

"Men want to seduce her and women want to be her best friend, and sometimes it's the other way around," Wilmut told reporters. "What more perfect human could I choose for cloning?"

Wilmut, a longtime admirer of Dolly Parton due to what he cites as her "very full appeal" believes that in choosing Parton for a cloning subject he is performing a needed public service. Wilmut promises that his Dolly clones will be "just as sweet, stacked, and sexual savvy as the original" and he reports no limit has been set on the number of Dolly clones to be grown.

During the press conference, Dr. Wilmut was quick to offer assurances to concerned religious groups that each and every Dolly clone would come equipped with a human soul and that "Christian zealots needn't be concerned these Dolly clones might somehow turn out to be an army of country music anti-Christs."

"I'm not doing this just for people to have their own Dolly although I can surely imagine how nice it will be," said Wilmut. "I'm advancing science in this fashion so that fetuses testing positive for the talenti inabsentia gene can be given a dose of Dolly stem cells -- they deserve to come into this world with at least a fighting chance for a productive future."

"Starting next year, there will be more than enough Dollys to go around," he added.

When news of the Wilmut-Parton human cloning collaboration leaked to producers of the popular Fox Network show, American Idol, they scrambled to scoop any future TV singing contests by guaranteeing advance bookings to a minimum of ten Dolly clone contestants for a special edition of American Idol in the year 2020.

Simon Cowell, the somewhat brash yet thoroughly popular lead judge on AI announced he was already in negotiations with the show's producers to guarantee him the lead host slot for the American Idol 2020 Dollyfest. Music industry insiders speculate that this bold move on Cowell's part could easily start a feud of epic proportions with AI's current host, Ryan Seacrest.

Popular American Idol judge Paula Abdul could not be reached for comment at press time but sources close to the singing choreographer hinted that she felt "a little slighted" because Wilmut had not considered her for the project.

"After all, Paula can sing, dance and throw up," said a friend of the star. "I'd like to see Dolly Parton try and do that."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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