BEVERLY HILLS - Mariah Carey and her skinny little husband Nick Cannon renewed their wedding vows, their driver's licenses, and their VISA credit cards all in one fell swoop.
Mariah, who has been gaining weight like she's trying to catch up to Kirstie Alley and Aretha Franklin, looked stunningly fat in an off-beige early Revolutionary War creation by Mr. Aloof Aloof of Ann Arbor.
Several of Mariah's close friends who only wish to be identified by their initials (A.B., C.D., E.F. and G.H.) have remarked that they are afraid that if Carey keeps eating hot dogs like they're sunflower seeds she will balloon up so huge that she will start to resemble that damn Icelandic volcano Eyjafjallajokull [Pronounced: ELL-EN-DE-Gen-ERES.]
One of Mariah's lifelong friends Effemy Fritterfield, 42, noted that the songstress has gone from wearing size 14 panties all the way up to wearing size 28.
Another friend Gertie Hoffenpucker, 38, said that Mariah is now at the point, weight wise, where she can actually make Oprah Winfrey look anorexic.
And Mariah's high school friend, who did not want her name or even initials mentioned noted that Mariah's ass has gotten so big that her husband, Nick "SkinnyBoy" Cannon could use his wife's ass as a flotation device if he had to.
The friend Agnes Bockertickle, 183 pounds, also noted that she happened to see Mariah's boobs the other day in the bathroom of a Pizza Hut and the tips of the two suckers were even with her belly button.
To view pix of Pamela Anderson's huge bosom log on to www.pammysmammies.tit