Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Friday, 30 April 2010

image for Ellen DeGeneres Wants American Idol To Replace Simon Cowell With Rosie O'Donnell
A photo of Rosie O'Donnell's truck. (Photo courtesy of Lily Tomlin).

WEST HOLLYWOOD - First year American Idol judge Ellen DeGeneres wants the show to replace the exiting Simon Cowell with one of her best friends, fellow lesbo, Rosie O'Donnell.

DeGeneres said that O'Donnell knows the words to more than 13,000 songs. She added that Rosie even knows the words to the songs "Snoopy Vs. The Red Baron," "Please Mr. Custer," and "You Can't Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd."

Ellen also said that she would love for Rosie to be hired to replace Simon "The Sultan of Sarcasm" for several reasons.

One, since Rosie is also a lesbian, the judges panel would then be comprised of a 50-50 lesbian - non-lesbian judges panel and contestants like Clay Aiken, Adam Lambert, and Chow Fing Ping Moon would get an equal opportunity and not be delegated to simply finishing second as all three have done.

Ryan Seacrest, who is known as Mr. Fence Sitter, agrees and says that he has always liked Rosie and not just because she can pick him up and literally toss him like a regulation NFL football for about 12 feet.

Randy "The Black Dawg" Jackson said of Rosie, "Yo yo, aright lissen up. For me the bitch Rosie is somewhat pitchy, ah make that bitchy. Lissen up she's just aright. She ain't no Bonnie Hunt, or Oprah Winfrey, or even Joy Behar."

Kara DioGuardi said that if Ellen is allowed to bring in one of her friends, then she should be allowed to bring in one of her friends. Kara thought about it for a moment and then remarked, "Hell, I don't think that I have any friends."

Ryan was asked who he would like to see replace the "Viceroy of Venom" and he answered immediately, "Perez Hilton."

In other news. Christina Aguilera says she has had it with people confusing her with Lady Gaga. Aguilera says that all anyone has to do is to compare crotches. Christina grins and says that her crotch does not have a noticeable bulge whereas Lady Gaga's crotch has a bulge that is bigger than Jon Gosselin's and Sean Penn's.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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