Written by Morse
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Topics: Tiger Woods

Thursday, 29 April 2010

image for Tiger: Addiction to Lutefisk Cost Me My Marriage!
Tiger Also Had a Preference for Red Snapper Before Teeing Off!

In yet another half hearted confession, Professional Philanderer Tiger Woods came out in an attempt to clear up 'misconceptions' concerning his recent marital difficulties, but seemed to put the blame on his estranged Swedish wife Elin for his problems.

"I was a pretty normal husband, " said the billionaire Golf Professional, "until Elin introduced me to Lutefisk which I used as a diet supplement, and a miracle cure for knee pain after my recent surgery."

"At first the smell nauseated me, but once I got past that I pretty much had it licked, and then that's what caused my addiction to all manner of specially prepared fish, especially if it was white. I was Hooked!"

Lutefisk is commonly made from Cod, Pollock, Haddock, or Ling, all known as 'flaky white fish', which may also account for some of Tiger's dietary choices.

"Luetefisk is a traditional dish served in Norway, Sweden and Finland, and a popular staple at holidays and should never, never, ever, be used as a sex stimulant," said a Lutefisk processor in Bergen, Norway.

Scientists said addiction to the lye soaked fish, which is then reconstituted and served with any number of side dishes including peas , rutabaga, and a stiff shut of aquavit, is rare, but there are reported cases dating back to 1600.

Woods said his addiction turned into wild craving and he was said to indulge his fetish sometimes as much as 3 times a day; he had even been found loitering in the vicinity of a dumpster behind a Red Lobster eatery in Orlando at 5 a.m. such was his insatiable urges.

According to leaked reports from the Sex Clinic Tiger attended in a failed attempt to save his marriage, Woods listed at least 120 different species of fish he indulged in outside of his marriage bed.

The list included Tilapia, Red Snapper, Yellow Tail, Cat Fish (sic), Big Eyed Tuna, Flounder, Monk, Goggle Eye, Wahoo (!), as well as the occasional buffet platter which included sword fish and grouper cheeks.

According to the latest reports out of Florida, the Woods marriage is officially over after Elin found out Tiger had tapped in a 'gimme' involving the 21 year old daughter of the next door neighbor.

Elin was overheard screaming to Tiger over his cell phone while he was at an Image Enhancing Strategy meeting saying, "The neighbor's kid...you screwed the neighbor's kid! That's the last straw, I thought abusing our kids'

Gold Fish and then flushing them down the toilet was the lowest thing you had ever done...but this tops EVERYTHING! Eat Sushi and DIE...we're DONE!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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