There's no getting away from Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart these days. Wherever you go, whatever you do, they just keep cropping up again and again like some particularly malignant growth.
Open a newspaper, they're there. Robert looking mean and anaemically moody, Kristen scowling as her hormones run riot. Open a website and they're all over the place. Look in a magazine and they pop out at you. Even in the supermarket, their DVD promos glower at you at the same time as Cheryl Cole or Lady Gaga batter the living crap out of your eardrums with their horrible caterwauling.
For one man it's all become too much.
A mediocre hack for satirical website TheSpoof.com has decided to kick Pattinson and Stewart to the curb (or the kerb if you're English) because they are, in his own words:
"Doing my fucking head in."
The writer, who can't be named, but who supports Manchester United, likes a drink, and used to have a cat named Beryl, told us:
"I'm sick of Pattinson and Stewart. The thing is though, that on the Spoof, the most popular stories almost always seem to involve Pattinson and fucking Stewart. If you want people to read your crap then you have to put those two in the title or you're dead in the water.
"So I'm kicking them to the curb. Bollocks to 'em. I swear to God that never again shall I write another fucking Pattinson bastard Stewart story. Ever! It's OVER!"
Erm, apart from this one. And probably some others...
Look out for the sparks. They will fly.