Written by P.M. Wortham
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Wednesday, 28 April 2010

image for Scarlett Johansson Asks; 'Gwyneth Who?'

Lighting up the screen, or dare we say, steaming up the entire theater, Scarlett Johansson outshined, outplayed and out sexed her Iron Man 2 co-star Gwyneth Paltrow.

While early Iron Man 2 screenings are being met with wide acclaim, Johansson is garnering much of the attention. "She can crack open a bottle of Geritol for me anytime", said the beaver-faced, 60 year old nebbish and film critic, Leonard Maltin. "She looks good in underpants, if you get my meaning. Well, on film anyway, not like I've had a chance to see her naked in person, or any woman for that matter, ever, but I imagine she looks pretty good".

Other reports from the set of IM2 share another dimension to Johansson's impact on other stars. While Robert Downey Jr. could be found frequently pacing and drooling at the mouth just outside Johansson's trailer, Paltrow was often seen approaching total strangers on the set and asking, "Am I still pretty?"

Johansson's "Black Widow" character was a Stan Lee favorite as well. The 87 year old Lee, who owns Marvel Comics and the rights to the Iron Man franchise, was also seen following Johansson around like a lost puppy. Union workers on set report seeing the old man trying to offer her "shiny pennies and candy" for a few moments alone in his windowless cargo van.

With the film complete and Paltrow about to be released from Sarah Palin Center for Positive Thinking, all that is left to do is tally the box office receipts. Downey Jr. has indicated he's on board for IM3, provided, accorging to his agent, "He can get stung by the Black Widow".


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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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