Written by P.M. Wortham
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Monday, 26 April 2010

image for Kermit the Frog Swears off Pork, Now Dating a Cow
Kirstie's New Character on Sesame Street, as Kermit's Love Interest. The suit fits Alley perfectly.

Following a tumultuous break up between famed television and stage actors, Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy, Kermit was apparently seen having a romantic dinner with Kirstie Alley at the Roma Café in Midtown Manhattan.

No stranger to controversy, Kermit initiated the break up with Miss Piggy by ordering a Bacon, Lettuce and Tomato sandwich at a local deli. It should have been an innocuous event, except for the fact that Mr. Frog was recording a television piece for the Travel Channel. Kermit pointed to the camera with the BLT in hand and said, "This one is for you, Piggy". Kermit was found hours later with multiple blunt force injuries, while lying on the steps outside his apartment. He would not name his attacker.

Weeks later, an interested restaurant patron snapped a cell phone photo of the Frog and Ms. Alley in the secluded, back corner of the Roma Café. "Kermit's hands were wandering a bit", said the unidentified patron, "but Kirsty didn't seem to mind a bit".

Other eye witnesses tell a similar story of the odd couple all around the New York Island. Alley's personal assistant, Misty Krochless, tells reporters, "Ms. Alley is truly enjoying the company of the popular children's character". When pestered for more personal information about the logistics of the relationship, in fact asked directly how an intimate relationship could even exist, Ms. Krochless replied, "Let's just say she refers to him as her own personal spinner".

Former boyfriends of a thinner Ms. Alley could see the connection, and suggested a way that the relationship might work. "It's been a long time since she's had any interest. There must have been so many flies up in that vacant cave, that the frog just did his thing. Shit, I'd love to have a tongue that worked like that". Indeed.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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