LONG BEACH, California - According to Jesse James' main tattooist, Dusty "Bubba" Applecutter, the soon-to-be-no-longer Mr. Sandra Bullock wants to meet Tia Brodie, aka "The Fire Eater" so bad he can taste her.
James who has been keeping a low profile since his "TattooGate" scandal broke said that he has always loved barbecue and he imagines that being with Tia Brodie would be kind of like having your very own personal barbecue grill.
Jesse has said that he does not appreciate the media and the entire country giving him the bad rap that they have given him since he is not really the bad guy in this monstrous mishmash of a marital mess.
James said that most people in America, including Arkansas, think that he is some kind of secret Nazi. He laughed and said that just because he owns quite an extensive collection of World War II Nazi memorabilia including Nazi helmets, uniforms, weapons, and underwear does not make him a bad person.
He grinned and said that yes it may make him a strange, weird, effed up dude, but not a bad person.
When asked whose fault it is that his marriage is heading straight for D City, the owner of West Coast Choppers instantly said that the blame lies with his wife Sandra Bullock.
He went on to say that after all, it was Sandy who twice on national television kissed actress Meryl Streep full on the mouth before over 100 million viewers.
Jesse even said that afterwards, in the car on the way home, his wife revealed to him that when she was locking lips with Meryl she suddenly had a strange sensation in her groin region.
James asked her what it felt like and after thinking for a few minutes, she said that if felt like she had a finger prodding around in her crotch area in search of an orifice to occupy.
Mr. James said that he looked at his wife and told her that he was starting to worry about her becoming like one of them lesbionics like Ellen, Rosie, Melissa, Wanda, Lily, and Meredith.
SIDENOTE: Bullock's longtime personal masseuse has stated that if anyone would know if Sandra was in deed prone to playing with the tacos instead of with the Oscar Mayers she would know. She stated that although Bullock isn't really all that much into hot dogs, she is most certainly not into tacos.