An embarrassed Kim Kardashian was in tears last week due to a major malfunction of one of the silicone butt pads she was wearing. She reportedly was so embarrassed by the occurrence that she has scheduled emergency plastic surgery to have butt implants permanently placed so that this never happens again.
"We were out and about in Sydney late last Saturday night, drinking and dancing and having a marvelous time when Kim whispered to me, 'my butt feels funny, take a look and see if it looks alright.' I looked at her butt and couldn't help but burst out laughing. One of her butt cheeks was a noticeably 3" lower than the other and I jokingly told her she looked like the "Hunchbutt of Notre Dame," said her soon to be ex-friend Brittny Gastineau. "I guess my laughter and her other-worldly shriek really caused a stir because everyone around us started pointing and staring. It was quite a scene. I couldn't have asked for a better 'gotcha, Kim' moment if I'd prayed for one."
A visibly shaken Kim ran out of the club, leaving one of the silicone butt pads behind. Said club attendee, Ian McKellen, "Kim's running for the door and all of a sudden this piece of rubbery something comes out from beneath her skirt. Fortunately, I was able to snatch it up before anyone else saw it."
Could this mishap be the beginning of a new romance for Kardashian? Says McKellen, "I feel like Prince Charming, only older and, of course, this time instead of a glass slipper, I have a silicone butt pad. Whatever. At my age, I'll take what I can get." Then he added, "Kim, call me. I've only the best intentions in returning your butt pad to you, dear. Of course, we'll have to see if it's a perfect match, wink wink."
It's pretty much a foregone conclusion that Kim won't be calling Ian to get her butt pad back, and many have suggested he put it up for sale on eBay. "Can you imagine," said McKellen, "this butt pad may be made of silicone, but because of whose it is, I may as well be holding onto the golden ring."