WASHINGTON, DC --- Officials at the American Nazi Party's national headquarters today announced they rejected former pop star and accused pedophile Michael Jackson's membership application not because of his race, but on grounds of "moral turpitude". The statement released to journalists stated that the ANP "welcomes bigots of all races and creeds - and most persuasions, but there are limits." Jackson, who contrary to some opinions is African American, currently is on trial for having sex with minors and possession of child pornography.
According to the statement, ANP officials carefully reviewed his application, but decided to reject it after lengthy discussion.
"We weighed all the pros and cons," ANP chair Emma Brown said. "We welcome his continued efforts to lighten his skin color, and we also consider his uniform and armband fetish a plus. Jackson does have a unique sense of style, which could give new impulses to fascist haute couture. But in the end, we decided that his, uhm, unseemly interest in children is counter to the values and mission of the American Nazi Party."
Jackson said he didn't really share the ANP's political view. In view of the fact, however, that his fan base has continued to decline, he has been looking for "someone - anyone, really" to hang out with.
"I'm not allowed to have slumber parties with my little friends anymore," Jackson said, crying. "Not since they have begun to say all these sick, disgusting - and by the way: untrue - things about me."
With the Hitler boys turning him down, Jackson said, he will now have to resort to cuddling with his stuffed animals at night.
Brown said it would not be likely that Jackson would ever be eligible for party membership, even if he did embroider his armbands with swastikas, as he promised.
"With the Holocaust turning out to be not a myth, after all, we have all sorts of public relations problems, as you can imagine," she explained. "So we have to be a bit more selective in our membership criteria. Pedophiles - even just alleged ones - are just not good for our public image."
The former pop legend remains downcast.
"This is so unfair. So very, very unfair," he said.